hard days and nights

D is sick. Again. Or is it still? In any case I keep thinking he's getting better and then I get excited and start planning things-like going outside! getting together with little baby buddies! getting together with grown up buddies! But then he goes back down and it's worse again.

This rollercoaster of well, not well, sick, better, ugh is not fun. And I've been struggling to get things done around the house when he's been extra clingy, teething, and just not feeling well. Which makes me feel flustered and just horrible because, geez, when was the last time we opened the hall closet and took OUT the vacuum instead of stood there and talked about how were weren't even going to TOUCH it because Diego starts to freak out and go "Ah! Ack!" while pointing at the thing with a look of fear on his tiny, little face? But, I digress.

He's also never been a good sleeper, add a cough and runny nose and teething and a possible growth AND mental spurt? And you have one sleepy Momma. But Jim's been more than fabulous and has been trading nights off with me. Not that it really matters since I've been up until 1 most nights this week just trying to get homework done for school. (Online school to get my teacher's cert.)

I was thinking about all of the above and started to get really frustrated with myself and all the FAILing. He's sick. No sleep. Messy house. Behind on homework. The tiiiiiiiiiired.

And then, and I don't know when or where, there wasn't a big shaft of light from the heavens above or birds talking to me in rhyme, but I figured out something very important. I can't control everything. Not his immune system. Help it along, yes, and I do. A messy house? It happens. We'll vacuum Saturday. Or Jim will while I take D for a walk so he won't see it at all. Homework is getting done, scheduled out, and I will get it done. I don't have to do this alone. Or right this instant. And the most important thing of all? A bad morning does not make a bad afternoon. Minutes by minute, that's how fast I have to go.

zoo rhymes with shoe

Some lovely friends joined our little family at the San Diego Zoo this past weekend. The day was perfect, somewhat cool but bright and sunny nonetheless. I thought Diego would enjoy looking at all the large and moving animals (as opposed to the pictures in his books?) but I believe the man sweeping up after the messy crowds held more of his attention than anything else that day. Besides the grills and manhole covers, that is.

(exhibit A. grill, pretzel, no shoes)

You'll notice he's not wearing shoes. Yeah...about that...so we were in one of the enclosed aviaries settled on a bridge looking at all the GREEN! and...more GREEN! Jim and I chatted on about something and Diego had managed to put his foot through the wires on the bridge. The wires that were keeping him from falling 30 feet. (I am a horrible Mom, I know. To my credit, I was holding onto him and there was no way he could fall. Just didn't notice his foot creeping out over the edge.) When he pulled his foot back off popped his shoe and it fell with a soft hush onto the green ground below. There was nothing we could do and no one there to ask to help, so we had to walk away, as we did Diego kept pointing backwards furrowed brow all creased. I told him his shoe was gone and we had to say good-bye. He actually waved good-bye as we left the aviary. Managing to let go to the little blue shoe faster than his Momma could.

(exhibit B. on the evil bridge that stole my baby's shoe)

feed the Momma

There was so much time wasted today feeling horrible. It all started when I suggested we get waffles for breakfast and J countered with something about wanting to eat at home more often which spiraled me into feeling bad that I don't cook enough, bad wife that I am, and how dare I even think about waffles? Tasty, whip-cream topped waffles. So I didn't eat. The bebe was busy and fussy and wanted to play and then sleep and I focused on doing that and didn't eat for way beyond my Hungry time and straight into my Feed Me Now time. You know the feeling. The I'm cranky and You suck and why is the sun so LOUD and my head so DIZZY? feeling. Did we eat then? Nope. Went grocery shopping instead. Which is good, I guess, but I was so cranky and set on Getting Things Done that I forgot that I can't really think without food. So brainless and dizzy, baby sitting in the sling, we trudged through the grocery store and my poor, poor husband kept trying to gently nudge me towards the deli counter and the free samples there, but I kept quickly walking in the other direction because, well, of course, we needed the detergent and beef stock and graham crackers! Really, he should have just knocked me out with a large stick and forced me to march to the free and delicious samples. See? You could tell I was crazy because when would I normally turn down cut up, warm and gooey, cinnamon buns?
Never. That's when.