something (not) said

Court over at Kaiya's Laughter Heals wrote about her daughter's language acquisition a few days ago. It's something we had talked about before (chatting on the phone while we ran after the bustling toddlers) and something that has been on my mind and weighing on my shoulders for too long.

Diego isn't talking yet. At least not much verbally that is. He's 19 months old and has 4 (or 5 if you believe MOO is a word) verbal words and, oh, dozens of non-verbal and sign language words he uses regularly. He's understands everything. He can point to every single item in his many books, heck he can even pull the book I ask for off the shelf. He plays pretend with his toy animals and can feed himself with a fork and spoon. He's climbing up and can almost go down stairs without my help (with my heart in my mouth every time!). And I say these things because feel defensive and mother-bear-ish. But I also need to hear these things, to ingest them and let them strengthen my belief in his abilities.

And the belief in my own abilities as a Mom. Because deep down I think that's what really hurts. Feeling like I've somehow, unknowingly, let D down. So I'm going to focus on the positives. Otherwise I start to dwell on all that I could have done "better," "faster," "with flashcards."

If anyone else if struggling with this, here's a chart I found online that helped put things in perspective. Yes, D is behind on the talking, but he's ahead on so much more. Hope it helps you, too.

(D. looking at me like I'm crazy.)

first kisses

Diego had his first kiss at the playground the other day. There he was, enjoying the first rung on the red ladder, sun shining down, when this adorable (cute-cute-cuuuute) little girl with a bob came up and out of no where gave him a hug and a kiss. He was nonplussed. I think that's the word for it. He was surprised, I think, but I didn't see him push her away so he must have enjoyed himself. Especially when she came back to give him yet another hug. On her way back to her Dad she said, quite proud of herself, "I gave him a kiss!" Not knowing that this was his first. The most important! And Diego? Was he swooning? Was he chasing her down to get her name? Haha No. He had already turned back to the ladder, trying to get up on that second rung.

I'm sure we've all had that first and all-too forgetable kiss when we were toddlers. But what about other first kisses? Not going to ask for stories, but it's just nice to remember all the embarassing and wonderful first kisses, don't you think?

Year: One

A year ago yesterday in the early morning hours, Diego was born. He was tiny and pink (and later orange due to jaundice) and crying out with deep breathes and strong lungs. His hair was plastered tight to his head and his brow furrowed as he looked around at what felt like dozens of people in the OR. I remember his serious gaze when I held him in the recovery area, smelling him in for the very first time. I remember how small he was bundled in the hospital blanket. We were in the hospital for four very long days and couldn't wait to get out, see the sun, take our baby boy home. He wore a striped body suit with dinosaur paw prints on the feet. He slept in our arms and ate and slept in the bassinet and yawned and grew in leaps and bounds.

Now? He's walking and babbling and teething like mad. He loves the cat and walks around trying to hug her. He hands me book after book to read, then pops on the ground to sit and listen. (His favorite right now is Dinosaur Roar.) We sing together now, too. Both of us making the movements for Wheels On The Bus or Itsy Bitsy Spider. He loves the bucket swing and climbing the stairs at the park. He's trying to go down the steps now, standing up. He'll look up at me, then down at the step, and then reaches up to grab my hands. I love holding his little hands. And he laughs. Giggles and chuckles. My smiling boy.

When I hold him, his legs sprawl out of my arms, too long to hold all of him anymore. He sprawls when I lay him down in his crib and I can see the young man he will be way too soon.

Happy Birthday Baby