the end

Hi all. If you're still there. I know, I know. I've been away for months now. And there's so much that has happened! But I'm only here for a mere sentence or two to let you know that my blog bo bee sah will be ending today. Thanks for reading and commenting and just stopping by.

The good news is that I've started a new blog over at Sweet Whimsey. So please hop on over! I'd love to see you there.

Love to you all.
-e

dreaming of two

I had this dream early on in my pregnancy. It was vivid and visceral and simple. I was just laying on my bed with Diego and his little brother. We were all gasping after a fit of laughter and taking a deep breath. I immediately felt this feeling of powerful bear-momma love for my boys. My Boys. And felt it overwhelm me, covering the three of us like a blanket. This was before we knew that the baby would be a boy, but the dream felt right. Half of me knew, from that point on, that we would have another boy. (And for those of you who I haven't told, we are!) This dream has stayed with me, as something I hold on to when I'm thinking about the future with a second baby.

A second baby. Oh My Goodness. So I've been talking with other parents I meet at the park, the store, the street, um....everywhere, and every single parent has said that the second is HARD. And they all look at me and my hopeful gaze and I swear I can hear them thinking, "Oh...poor thing..." Then they gather their millions of bags and babies and run off in a tired whoosh.

I've been worried about how hard it will be with two. I thought having one was hard enough and now we're going to have to deal with another possibly non-sleeping sibling AND a rambunctious toddler to deal with?? How on earth does anyone do that?

I think I would be more freaked out if I didn't have that dream early on. It's like having a little assurance, a vivid memory that hasn't happened yet, that there will be times of pure love and simple rest. Sure it'll be hard. I probably don't know HOW hard it will be, but I love the thought of having a tickling fest with my boys on the bed and then resting together in quiet rest.

pregnancy fun

Can we talk for a minute about inner baby wiggles? I absolutely LOVE how it feels when the baby moves around and bumps and bangs on my innerds. He's still small, so the bangs are sweet and mostly tiny...(Ok, except right NOW. Yeesh! HI BABY!! What on earth are you doing in there???) A few months ago I was looking at a very pregnant and lovely friend enjoy her inner baby bumps and I just wanted to melt. I missed that feeling so badly. Those shivers and wiggles and slips inside. And now I can feel them and I can't believe how much little little guy moves! What I love even more is now Jim can feel the baby move, too. Since we're not sure about a third, I'm trying to stop and really observe and remember these small movements. And when it's not waking me up in the middle of the night? It's wonderful, heavenly, weird, and really neat.

Another pregnancy perk? I'm nesting and throwing away stuff I haven't even looked at in MONTHS. Possibly years. Oh yeah. Whereas before I had trouble saying good-bye to shoes I haven't worn since college? Now it's good-bye everything that isn't tied down. I have lists, people, LISTS of things I want to do. All very doable. All good for making this more of a home. Which has been my goal all along. I think this will be a very good thing.

Oh my goodness, is everyone pregnant now? When are y'all due???? We're due for baby boy #2 around November 22nd. And the first sick thing that entered my mind when I heard the date? Phew. I can still watch the Twilight sequel before the baby gets here. Horrible. I know.

off the face of the earth

Hmm....So I have this blog here that I've TOTALLY IGNORED. There are good reasons and, I have to admit, some horribly silly ones, too.

The good reasons? I've been feeling un-bloggy lately. I wanted to take a little break and it ended up being longer than I expected. I've also wanted to refocus and redo the blog and I thought what better way to do that than to give myself a new start? So I'll be saying good-bye to Boobeesah and moving over to Sweet Whimsey in the near future. Give me a few days to warm up to the blog and I'll let you know when the big move is.

The horrible, embarassing reasons? Twilight. I was re-reading the entire Twilight series. Which is a book I really tried to not like. There are a few things that I have conflict with; Bella's almost subservience to Edward and his over-protective tendencies come to mind...but I still absolutely LOVE them. Love them to the point where all I wanted to do was sit and read. Not even sleep was as important. And if you know me and my love of sleep, that's saying something.

I could lie and say I was exhausted from all the baby-growing. Which isn't a complete lie. (I am exhausted. Silly baby growing all huge and wiggly in my womb.) But I blame my obsession with reading for the absence. So here's a question for the day: What's your current secret obsession?

my 28th birthday, a recap:

good: It was my birthday!

bad: I threw up all over the living room the night before.

good: Jim took the day off to be with me and Diego. Which was wonderful...

bad: Because Diego then threw up all over the breakfast table in the morning.

good: It was the only time he threw up. Yay!

bad: And then Jim had to leave to drive up to LAX (L.A. airport) to pick up a friend.

good: We had a friend visiting for a few days.

bad: Diego had a fever and was incredibly fussy and sad all day long.

good: Jim came home with a chocolate milkshake.

bad: More fever and clingyness all day.

good: Jim made me this delicious chocolate strawberry cake.

bad: I was exhausted all day and worried so much about Diego that I forgot to eat more than a bowl of cheerios.

good: Jim got me this beautiful hummingbird feeder/mobile (pictures when it's all set up) that I absolutely love. It's gorgeous.

good: I got to talk with my Mom and Step Dad in Costa Rica.

good: And my Tia and family in Florida.

good: Jim is a wonderful, caring, fantastic hubby. Sigh. I'm really, really lucky to have him.

good: The day ended. D's much better now, but still has moods of fussy and tired, but I think he's also growing/teething/just wants to. And, seriously, he's such a sweet little guy that even when he's feverish and feeling like poop, he still gives me hugs and laughs when I "pull" shoes from his ears.

newbie love

I can't wait to hold him or her. The way you can only hold a newborn. The way the newborn fits perfectly in the crook of your arm and settles deep into contented bliss. The way a newborn eats and then looks up at you with a drunken milky smile. Then spits up and is still pretty happy that the world is all of your arms and Daddy's and your faces looking down at them. Lights and fans are just gravy.

I can't wait to see Diego with her or him. I wonder how he will be. I know he's going to be, as he usually is, a great helper to me and sweet with the newbie. Most of the time. Now I know he won't love them ALL the time, but I feel like they can have such a great friendship and sibling-ship (is that even a word?) and it's all still yet to be, and I get to see that grow! I hope I help it grow, too.

When I'm not completely in denial or scared about how this new little one growing in my belly will change us, I'm utterly excited. It's like waiting on a train platform for someone you've never met but you know you will love and who will fill your life and complete your little family is coming. Soon. But for now I'm sitting and waiting. Enjoying this space and place as much as I can before it changes.

There are gray clouds outside, drizzly rain and chill winds. There are birds chirping. We are all resting, napping or typing on computers or playing games. Just resting. And this is nice.

a bookish friday

Diego is reading:

Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear by Don and Audrey Wood
On Top of Spaghetti illustrated by Gene Barretta
Go, Dog. Go! by P.D. Eastman

I am reading:

Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde (just finished)
The Well of Lost Plots (just started the audio book I have but never listened to)
How Green Was My Valley by Richard Llewellyn (which I just started last night and am not sure I will continue with or not)

What are you reading/have read/always recommend?

good mornings

5 a.m. is not my idea of a good beginning. For anything. Except maybe getting up to drive to the airport for a fun trip to...well anywhere. (Top picks today? Madrid, Paris, Vancouver, Seattle, a cabin in a great old green forest) But 5 a.m. to wake up to a crying crabby toddler? Ugh. The biggest problem is that he's as much a morning person as I am. He's almost exactly like me. In the way that we hate the actual Waking Up but once we're up....well, we're up and ready to go. I'm old, though. (hahahaha) Ok. I'm pregnant and TIIIIIIIIRED. There are morning I wake up and feel like I could sleep for a few more weeks. And I feel like crying. And stuffing my head in the pillow and pretending I've suffered a stroke or coma just to get a few more minutes. Sigh.

But. Once we're up...We're UP! And we make breakfast together and laugh together at cracking eggs and eat together and then D signs that he's all done and he runs around playing with the cupboards in the kitchen or the small chalkboard near the table. I love watching him move his small plastic stool around the kitchen just so he can reach the drawer with all the spoons and whisks. And when we're done he pulls his stool over to the dishwasher and helps me put in (the unbreakable) dishes and cups. So it's not all bad. It's nice, actually. Once I get over the whole waking up bit.

week 13, an update

So far this pregnancy I've:

-been tired
-incredibly tired
-fallen asleep BEFORE D's bedtime, leaving him to jump on my slumbering because, really, is there anything else to do to Mommy? JUMP!
-been pukey
-nauseaus
-resolved to never eat anything that wasn't in liquid form. Because....ew....solid food.
-lost 12 pounds
-wondered if I've completely lost my mind
-TWO kids? No one can survive that!!
-Ok, maybe the few billion people who have done this before me...but still.
-found my appetite again.
-woo!!
-ate 4 waffles, a sandwich, two glasses of milk, some cheddar cheese, a pop tart, and some cookies. And that was AFTER lunch.
-gained 5 pounds in the last week alone.
-felt a little more energetic...cautiously energetic.
-and am back to being completely exhausted today. Could sleep for days. But it's a good kind of tired. A do-able tired.
-am craving pumpkin pie.
-have sent husband out for pumpkin pie.
-officially have a baby bump. It popped out before the appetite turned me into a garbage disposal so it can't be all the food I've devoured. Not all if it, anyhow.
-swear I've felt the baby moving.
-did HEAR the baby moving about when I heard the heartbeat last week. Blooop! And that's exactly what it sounded like.
-hope Jim gets here with that pie soon.
-maybe I'll take a nap while I wait.

the ZOOOOOOOO

We got a membership to the San Diego Zoo and on a whim the other day I decided that Diego and I would drive down there to spend the day. He was the perfect car napper, slept from the minute we got in the car and woke up the second I put the car in park.

(I cheated and put this picture in from another day at the zoo. I just like the light. Here's D pointing to the pigeons in the tropical aviary. Ignoring all other more colorful birds entirely.)

(Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see? Isn't it sad that I think of a that book when I see bears now?)

(Ok, so here we are, looking at some other fluffy and adorable bears and what does Diego go crazy over? There was a duck in his habitat!! Swimming in his pool! HA!)

(D loved the goats. I sat and watched him feed them for a good 20 minutes. I love the children's petting zoo. What? I'm pregnant and wanted to sit.)

(I swear there are a million turtles in there. Just not in this shot. Still, we had a lot of fun at this exhibit. Especially when Diego tried to be all suave and sat down next to a girl, staring at her pretzel and then signed "please?" Hahaha She walked away, hiding her pretzel behind her back.)


And that's the end. Have a lovely Saturday all!!

chopsticks!

He loves noodles. Looooooves. And found out the other week that he could eat them really well with chopsticks. I taught him the slurping part. The chopsticks? No idea where he picked that one up. Hehe I just had to share.

Have a great long weekend!

where oh where is little bunny today?

Places I have found Diego's little bunny
(when I thought the same little bunny was safely in his room):

-In the fridge.
-In a covered sauce pot in the cupboard.
-In Jim's shoe.
-On his bookshelf.
-On the sofa.
-In the car.
-In his stroller.
-In his potty seat (clean, thankfully!).
-In his sand table.
-On the patio.

Diego loves this little bunny. This tiny, 5 or 6 inch tall, light brown bunny that I got for him at Target. It's actually the very first thing I got for him when I found out I was pregnant. I thought I'd buy something tiny and cute. So I did. My only bit of sadness is that he (and I) would DIE if the bunny got lost. Especially now since bunny helps him choose bed time stories and is his constant sleep companion. But I have no way of buying another one since it was a dollar bin buy. And has no tag. And seems impossible to find online. Sigh. So fingers crossed that this little bunny will hide a lot around our house but will never get lost. Can one lo-jack a small stuffed bunny? Just curious.

happy mother's day

Happy Mother's Day.

To the new moms who are just now holding their baby for the first time and seeing their fingers and tummies and toes.
To the moms who have seen their little ones grow and run away to adulthood. (Seriously, how dare they!)
To the moms battling the lack of sleep, up all night, blood shot and delirious, it gets so much better. Hang in there! You can do it. I know you can.
To the moms giggling in a heap with the kids after a tickle fest.
To the moms crying at kindergarten graduations or high school graduations or college graduations.
To the moms worried all night about all the what ifs.
To the moms feeling isolated and alone (And don't we all feel like that sometimes?) remember to reach out and say hello.
To the moms who have their core group of family and friends, remember to reach out and say hello anyhow.
To the moms I see struggling with cries and tantrums, hold on, this too will pass.
To the moms that have been and the moms that are and the moms that will be.

Have a beautiful day. You deserve it.

BAAABIES!

I laugh every time I watch this commercial. Yeah, it's a little weird. But...so is my humor. :D hehe My favorite character is the crazy lady who goes around putting things under her shirt because she wants BAAABIES!

Which brings me to this:



That black circle in the middle with the two little bits? It's our newest sideways little bean! Yep. I'm pregnant. Pregnant and pukey and nauseaus and tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired. Happy, excited, elated, and freaked out, too. We're almost at 12 weeks, the little bean is a little under the size of a lemon, and we are expecting to meet him or her around Thanksgiving. A turkey baby! Imagine that...Oh my goodness.

something (not) said

Court over at Kaiya's Laughter Heals wrote about her daughter's language acquisition a few days ago. It's something we had talked about before (chatting on the phone while we ran after the bustling toddlers) and something that has been on my mind and weighing on my shoulders for too long.

Diego isn't talking yet. At least not much verbally that is. He's 19 months old and has 4 (or 5 if you believe MOO is a word) verbal words and, oh, dozens of non-verbal and sign language words he uses regularly. He's understands everything. He can point to every single item in his many books, heck he can even pull the book I ask for off the shelf. He plays pretend with his toy animals and can feed himself with a fork and spoon. He's climbing up and can almost go down stairs without my help (with my heart in my mouth every time!). And I say these things because feel defensive and mother-bear-ish. But I also need to hear these things, to ingest them and let them strengthen my belief in his abilities.

And the belief in my own abilities as a Mom. Because deep down I think that's what really hurts. Feeling like I've somehow, unknowingly, let D down. So I'm going to focus on the positives. Otherwise I start to dwell on all that I could have done "better," "faster," "with flashcards."

If anyone else if struggling with this, here's a chart I found online that helped put things in perspective. Yes, D is behind on the talking, but he's ahead on so much more. Hope it helps you, too.

(D. looking at me like I'm crazy.)

red parasol

Diego insisted we go for a walk with my red parasol and just loved every step. It was a warm, sunny day and the parasol was good cover for the little dude. Anyhow. I thought I'd explain the new header. I just loved the way the light was shining through the lace. Hope you do, too.

Happy red parasol day everyone!

grateful saturdays

We headed over to Scott and Elena's place today for the grand opening of the "Man-tuary" and inside Girl's afternoon/evening fun. Their garage was open and ready for poker and dart-playing fun, complete with radio, comfortable couch and plenty of fried and tasty snacks. We girls headed inside and chatted about babies and pregnancy (since a lot of ladies are pregnant!) and the boys. Really everyone was up and around everywhere, it was nice to watch the boys play and egg each other on and then go back inside to watch the little kids (whose numbers are, wonderfully, growing) learning how to play with each other. (Which was adorable. They even ended up giving each other hugs when they said good-bye. D's been on a huge hugging streak lately, too. He's already so incredibly sweet.)

It's exciting to see Diego play with our growing group of friends, and it's exciting for me to feel our circle of friends and families grow, too. I feel very blessed to see both.

To D:

You won't remember this day. The light shinning too bright and brilliant through the trees. The cool grass we lay on while we sang The Itsy Bitsty Spider. And you won't remember how you got up and then hugged me, laying on top of me while I kept singing the ABCs and This Old Man, your head on my heart and your heart beating so near. I wish you would, because I will try and remember that feeling forever, of you resting on me and me resting, too, singing in the afternoon.

Easter egg fun

There were the eggs, "hiding" in the bushes and brightly littering the ground. Here was his bucket, since the basket couldn't be found. And there was D, literally pushing the door open and grabbing eggs off the ground like they were calling out to him. Maybe I should have hidden them in a less obvious place. But, seriously, he walked around like he had been collecting Easter eggs for years, gathered them all together and put them all in his basket, signed "All Done" and motioned for us to open the door so we could all go inside. Three minutes, tops. He found one or two M&Ms in one egg and then opened all of them for the others, enjoying every single nibble. I think he enjoyed himself.

images of san onofre, or, rather, the sandy boy who played there

Listening to the wind-up radio.



Found the yellow bunny.



Wish I had taken more ocean pics.




Tired. Need nap.



Sliding down a surf board.

We had a beautiful day yesterday. There were babies and toddlers and kids of all ages reveling in the hot sun and rocky beach. Diego and his new friends pulled sea weed and rocks and shells out of the ocean and then tossed them back in, "to feed the fishies." And the rocks were smooth and glittering in the foamy waves, filled with color and hue. We stood and watched the tiny waves, blocked by the cay, and saw not only the gleaming sun sparkle off the water but dozens of dolphins and a pair of seals. We stayed until the sun began to set and we had devoured at least two s'mores and a certain toddler started to spread out on the ground to sleep. We pulled off dusty and damp clothes and shaked off dusty shoes and packed in to the car for the sun set and the ride home through the night.